Last time I do that again

It is finally over! Red and I finished the Ladies Spring Tea on Saturday, and I can tell you, we were both thankful. LOL, we both pinky promised to never do this again, no matter what, not even if they offered us a round table. We always get stuck with a rectangular table, even if we are one of the first to sign up on the registration form. They usually give the round tables to the same women. Lucky them. Oh well. At least we won't have to deal with that again. We were talking about doing our own tea, with our own friends in our own homes. What is the point of going to a a tea, when there is nothing much older women, who want to sit there and gossip or leave you out of the loop because you are younger. I felt so out of place because I was a great deal younger than the rest of the women. Isn't that sad. Fake smiles, fake laughs, empty conversation. Anyways, the wedding coordinator for the church, who was my wedding coordinator for my wedding, was the speaker for the tea. I have my opinions about her, I had difficulty and more stress and anxiety dealing with her during the wedding process that I would care not to remember. But Red made a good point; she sure did pull off a good show. And she did. My wedding was beautiful and flawless. Anyways, she made her speech and talked about the wedding process all the way up to the wedding ceremony. I sat there visualizing my wedding day, how I felt, how I looked, how my best friend, my sister, my family looked on that day. How extremely anxious I was to see the man I love. I even cried remembering when I was walking down the aisle towards my love. I love thinking about that moment. At that moment, I wanted to hop in my car and drive home to see my hubby so I could give him a hug and a kiss and tell him how much I love him and how extremely blessed I am that God gave him to me. I am extremely blessed to be married to such a wonderful man. Well, the more she kept talking, the more I kept feeling that same anxiety I felt while working with her. Anyways, I am glad it is over. It didn't help that I had to work the same day too.
I'm sorry, I am just tired, and I am whining right now. Forgive me. This has been a long weekend and I wish I could have another day off to relax. Is it time for me to take a vacation yet?

Is it time for a vacation yet?

Work, Work, Work! It's almost like a baby, Eat, Sleep, and Poop! Although, they have it easy, they don't have to work. Lucky! I feel so bogged down and having to pick up after too many people. Why can't my job be easier. I love my job, at least I think I do. You know that is bad when you aren't sure if you like your job anymore or not. A year ago, I had no problem saying how much I love my job. I think I have to tell myself that I love it so I don't go crazy or convince myself that I am happy. But when you have only 6 people on staff, and having to do everyone elses job, it makes it pretty difficult. I can't keep doing this anymore. I can't keep doing everyone else's job just because one person knows I will do a better job and get it done. Maybe it is time for a change. I have been praying, not very often, about where God wants me, and I haven't heard anything. So I assume to stay where I am and be content. Now, I don't know if I can do that anymore. But then when I get the notion into my head to start looking for a new job, my gut starts to act up and my guilt takes hold, then I talk myself out of getting out because my fear of change and something new and the fear of never succeeding takes over. I'm afraid of what happened when I was a manager 4 years ago. I was let go, and that has never really left me. I'm scared of that happening again if I try for a new job and then suck at it. Red wants me to be with her and it would be fun to be with my big sis again. I loved it when she and I worked together. We have lived together, worked together and have been best friends for 3 years now, maybe more. It feels like forever and it has been great. I'm just afraid. Right now, I have that lump in my throat; the one you get when you feel like you are going to cry. I'm not going to cry, well maybe later. I am just tired and worn out from work.
Lord God, please show me where you want me to be. Please reveal to me your plan, or a piece of your plan to me. Calm my spirit, and my heart. Give me the peace to continue through my day to day routine and help me to have the strength to continue in a place where I feel there is no hope. I thank you for your many blessing that you have given me and the many gifts you have bestowed upon me. I love you Lord God. Amen.
later.